Herman Cain
Herman "Herb" Cain is a Real American who in no way is a crazy Tom and will be our First Black President Elect, not like that mooslim fureigner who stole the election. Struggling with Racism Everyone loves Herman Cain, except the liberals and that racist John Stewart. Not only is John Stewart a coveting joo, but also a black people hater. It is a well known fact that John Stewart hates black people and the sight of a black person drives him mad! The Daily Show? It is actually his liberal agenda to distribute his racist propaganda. We foresee that John Stewart will resign and publicly apologize to Herman Cain for being a greedy joowish racist. Stephen Colbert's Next Black Friend Is Herman Cain Stephen Colbert's next black friend? Why yes, jealous? The Break Up On July 25, 2011 Herman Cain broke Stephen's heart. Herman Cain and the Big Misunderstanding Herman Cain loves the ladies, but he would never be inappropriate. This whole sexual harassment thing that the liberal media is crowing about - because they're racists, remember - resulted from a big misunderstanding. As both a pizza magnate and a gentleman, he's honor-bound to offer a hungry lady some hot sausage to stuff her crust with. And of course he's going to give her $35,000 to keep her mouth shut - he's trying to stop her from embarassing herself! That's chivalry, not sexual harassment! The man's a white knight in shining armor! You liberals have dirty minds, and did I mention that you're all racists? The Sexual Harassment Panda (aka Groper Conspiracy): It's a conspiracy allright, one started by Herman Cain several years ago when he first dreamed of a Presidential run. He harrassed a lot of female co-workers knowing that his employer would settle to keep them quiet. Not because he is a hyper-sexual black man, that would be racist, but because he knew it would give him leverage during the Presidential Election in 2012. Herman Cain leaked the info to the media knowing well he could accuse his Republican rivals of slander in an attempt to discredit them and paint them as racist. Just like Obama's parents and that forged birth certificate fifty years ago. Mr. Cain has shown his brilliant strategy to defeat his rivals. Is not like Mitt Romney needs Cain to dilute the anti-mormon vote, or that Rick Perry needs Cain to make Perry look like he likes black people in a non-racist way (no, really. Rick Perry likes black people). What would Herman Cain think up next? Update: *Breaking news! The conspiracy has been elevated into a Joowish Conspiracy. Clearly John Stewart is involved in it. *Breaking News: Horny black man assaults attractive white woman. Liberal media pays attention!! *Breaking News: We have shocking revelations, we have discovered the man behind the conspiracy to sabotage Herman Cain's campaign. It's Herman Cain's split personality! Shocking! 9-9-9 9-9-9 is a magical number. When Herman Cain was working late at night with one of his female underlings, he discovered the awesome power of 9-9-9. Legend has it that it can solve everything: When asked to Cain if "today’s Libya gaffe builds on the idea that he doesn’t have an in depth knowledge of foreign policy." His answer was 9-9-9. See, it can fix anything! *How do we cure cancer? 9-9-9 *What foreign policy should be applied to achieve peace in the middle-east? 9-9-9 *Why is there so much economic hardship in a country as wealthy as the U.S.? 9-9-9 Herman Cain: Sekret Mooslim I am saddened to announced that Wikiality.com discovered that Herman "Hussein" Cain is actually a sekret mooslim. *UPDATE: We have evidence that Herman Cain is NOT mooslim, just ask his mooslim-sound doctor! Racism Mr. Cain has betrayed the white race! He dared to suggest that a white man can be racist! Herman Cain: Pokemon Master ] Herman Cain's new reality TV show on BET See Also *Ubeki-beki-beki-stan-stan *Libya, was that the one Obama was against or supported? I got all this stuff twirling around in my head. External Tubes *Herman Cain: Sekret Mooslim? *Herman Cain: Sekret Commie? *How Herman Cain will help Americans get a job and get fed *Herman Cain to visit Ubeki-beki-beki-stan-stan and learn their black speech *Hermain Cain declares Racism to be over *Liberal Media smear campaign to derail Cain's election. *Gotcha journalism does it again *Herman Cain declares knowledge is too dangerous *Iran to use mountain technology to stop nucular attack